


only an entity

by superhoney



Category: Supernatural
Genre: 11.10 coda, Coda, M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-01-22
Updated: 2016-01-22
Packaged: 2018-05-15 10:35:53
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 785
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/5783035
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/superhoney/pseuds/superhoney
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>entity, n: something that has a real existence; thing</p>
            </blockquote>





	only an entity

There's always been this thing between them, him and Cas. Dean's never been sure what to call it- 'profound bond' sounds kind of dumb to him, even if it is accurate. It's an awareness, a closeness, but not of the same kind as his closeness with Sam. It's in his very bones but not in his DNA. And right now, something's telling him that things just aren't right.

"Is he okay?" Sam asks, as they're preparing to leave, Cas having declined the offer of a lift. And ain't that the million dollar question. Are any of them really okay? Dean's still shaky from the whole smiting sickness thing (and what's up with that, anyways) on top of just having been involved in a literal cage match with the Devil. Sam looks even worse, the cuts and scrapes insignificant in face of the sorrow behind his eyes. So maybe when Dean shrugs it off and blames Cas' weird behaviour on the events of the day, he's just trying to be optimistic, instead of outright ignoring the voice screaming in his mind, insisting that Cas isn't okay, that this is more than it seems, and that it's just going to get worse from here.

Dean hates being right, sometimes.

He's not proud of how long it takes him to figure the whole thing out. In his darkest moments, he's ashamed that Sam seemed to catch on first, that he knew Lucifer was possessing Cas before Dean did. Dean should have been the one to make the connection, because he's the one with the connection to Cas. But then it hits him that Sam has a connection of his own, and that thought makes him sick to his stomach (again). Sam doesn't so much realize that something is wrong with Cas as he does recognize Lucifer's presence because he's so familiar with it himself.

An angel, the Devil, and two Winchesters, and all the murky twisted things between them.

Oh, and something about God's sister. Just to shake the old story up a little.

Dean's tired of this. He's been tired before, and he's fought it off, and he and Sam and Cas have saved the world. Over and over and over again. Just for once, he'd like to be able to fight at full strength, without he or one of his teammates crippled by a curse or whatever. The world always has to go to shit and drag them right into it at a personal level. How is he supposed to think of a way to ice the Devil when the Devil is in the body of his best friend, his soul mate, one of the few people left alive that Dean loves.

He couldn't do it without Sam, that's for sure. Looking across the table in the library where they're both buried in books, desperately searching for any kind of solution to any one of the problems they're dealing with, Dean is hit with a fierce wave of admiration for his little brother. Who said no to Lucifer. Who retains his trust in humanity, in Dean, and in himself, despite the heavy-handed methods of persuasion Lucifer had employed. How he did, Dean's not sure. He's not sure he would have been able to.

Cas wasn't able to.

Did he not trust in Dean, in Sam, in himself? What would make him think that Lucifer was truly their best option? He knew the joint efforts of the angels had failed, that Amara was far from dead. More than that, he knew what bringing Lucifer topside could mean for the world. And he let it happen anyways.

No, he made it happen. He chose it.

And doesn't that just prove what Cas has said all along? That Dean's problem is his lack of faith? Cas had to have known what he was doing. Maybe it wasn't an absence of trust but rather an excess of it (and that's always been Cas' problem). Trust in Sam and Dean. Trust that they could find a way not only to use Lucifer to stop Amara but to save him afterwards.

It humbles him, Cas' trust. Mostly because Dean's fairly sure that it's a side-effect of his love. 

Because that's what this thing between them is. It's taken him a stupidly long time to realize it, and then even longer to admit it, even to himself. Cas loves him. And he loves Cas. Dean knows this in his body, in his mind, in his heart, but especially in his soul. They love each other, and maybe someday, if they can beat the Devil and the Darkness, they'll be able to look one another in the eye and tell each other just that.

 

**Author's Note:**

> This show needs more thought-bubbles sometimes.


End file.
